


you're ever welcome with me (anytime you like)

by electrictony



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Dean Winchester Needs a Hug, Epistolary, Gen, POV Dean Winchester, Pre-Series Dean Winchester, Pre-Series Sam Winchester, Stanford Era (Supernatural), Young Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 19:22:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29230713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electrictony/pseuds/electrictony
Summary: Unsent email drafts from deanw1967@yahoo.com to swinchester@hotmail.com from 2003-2005.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 41
Kudos: 57
Collections: Stanford-era





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The song Blue Ridge Mountains by the Fleet Foxes inspired the title. This fic is purely written as e-mails Dean would send to Sam, so they might be riddled with grammatical errors because   
> 1) this is un-betaed  
> 2) these are emails that Dean never sent/checked

_  
From: deanw1967@yahoo.com  
To: swinchester@hotmail.com   
Draft [Last Saved 09/15/2003] _

* * *

Heya Sammy.

How's the sun treating you? I know it's been a while since we talked and I know I said I wouldn't mind if you never talked to me again. But man, I still worry about you. 

Just yesterday Dad sent me out on my second solo hunt and it wasn't supposed to be something too hard. Just a ghost haunting a library. You'd have liked it, I think. But no, the case was a simple salt and burn. I didn't even have to dig up much, since it was a fresh case but here's the thing... 

I almost watched a little girl die in her mother's arms and if I had been just a little late.. I don't know, man. Sometimes, I think I understand why you left and I don't blame you for it but I worry about you. Do you still salt your doors and windows? I know it's not something you can pass off as normal but Sammy, you're good with excuses. Tell them you're a vegan or some sort of monk who needs sodium to meditate. You'll figure it out.

That's not why I'm emailing you. First, why did you give Bobby your email but not me? It's not like I'd rat you out to Dad or something. I'm not even angry, its just that I don't understand why you'd try to be normal. It doesn't even matter much Sammy. Not like it matters when we save people. The girl I saved yesterday? She was eight. And she told me she wanted to become a teacher and man, I just can't believe that anything matters to you more than doing the right thing. I'm not dad, and I'm not gonna make your choices for you kiddo. But all I want is for you to be safe and know that whenever you want, if ever you want, I'll still be there.

Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be more chapters (each one is an email) and they'll basically cover the time frame up until the pilot.


	2. Chapter 2

_  
From: deanw1967@yahoo.com  
To: swinchester@hotmail.com   
Draft [Last Saved 12/10/2003] _

* * *

Hey Sammy.

How is college? I read somewhere that you have finals coming up by the end of this month. It was just some website with academic calendars of schools in California, Dad made me look at it to see if our vic might’ve been on holiday from school, it’s not like I’m stalking you. I didn’t care about your finals back when you were in junior year so why would I now?  
But I remember how you’d chug coffee like it was fuel and not eat at all, so please tell me you still aren’t doing that. Plus, if you can, just eat something now that you finally get warm meals that aren’t cooked with too much sugar and grease. You always cribbed about it anyways.  
I guess I just wanted to tell you to take it easy, brother. I know that I didn’t say it when you left but the fact that you’re in college now already shows me that you’re the smartest son of a gun in our family. I couldn’t even imagine taking all the classes you did back when we were young, so I’m telling you again that if anyone makes you feel lesser, then they’re the idiots. Stanford is lucky to have you.  
I would tell you this on your phone but you still don’t pick up when I call. And man, I know I messed up but Dad needs me too… I couldn’t take your side and leave him all alone. You know that.  
Give me a chance Sammy. Pick up, just once. I miss your idiotic voice a lot and I swear if you pick up I won’t even tell Dad about it if you don’t want me to. 

Take care kiddo.  
Dean


	3. Chapter 3

_  
From: deanw1967@yahoo.com  
To: swinchester@hotmail.com   
Draft [Last Saved 12/20/2003] _

* * *

Hey Sam,

It’s been about four months since I last saw you, hell, since I last spoke to you. If it wasn’t for Bobby telling me that you called him five days ago, I’d begin to suspect you were dead. I don’t think you even care that a phone call is all I want, just tell me you are okay and I’ll be on my way.

I called you 27 times in an hour last night and Dad found me passed out in the car. He thinks I’m being bull headed and that if you wanted to, you would’ve called by now. Man, I believe him sometimes. I think you don’t want anything to do with us anymore now that you’ve got what you always wanted… An out.

Do you know I write emails to you almost every week and always stop myself from sending them because I don’t want to believe that you are ignoring me. With phone calls, at least I know that you don’t pick up because you think it may be Dad on the other end. 

I don’t think I could take it if you never replied. I don’t have any one to talk to without you gone and you’re out there so happy. I think you’re happy. I hope you are. But god, I don’t think you deserve to be happy when you’re being such a dumbass. Pick up, Sammy. 

Dean


	4. Chapter 4

_  
From: deanw1967@yahoo.com  
To: swinchester@hotmail.com   
Draft [Last Saved 12/25/2003] _

* * *

Merry Christmas Sammy,

I know we don't celebrate anything ever but you always loved today for some reason. I bet you'd be real jealous of me if I told you that I'm currently sitting in the impala and it's snowing outside.

It's freezing cold though. You know those film cameras that Bobby owns a ton of? The ones he uses to take pictures of museum things he can't steal? Yeah, I stole one of them so I actually do have photographs to prove that I got to see a postcard perfect snow day. California couldn't hold a candle to it. Maybe I'll mail the photo to you.

That's not it, though. Sammy, you know how dad avoided every celebration and ran off on a hunt alone? Well, today he drove to where I was and just said it was because he needed to rest.

But I know better Sam. I think you leaving did a number on him and he must regret not spending time with you. I know you won't come back for me, I'm just Dean but you love Dad. You always wanted him to give normal a chance, and sometimes, I think he's trying.

Come back for a day. Leave the next morning if you want, but know that I'll be here. I'm going to call you again now, and god, if you pick up... I might even beg you to be a normal college kid and spend Christmas with us.

Dean


	5. Chapter 5

_  
From: deanw1967@yahoo.com  
To: swinchester@hotmail.com   
Draft [Last Saved 01/01/2004] _

* * *

Hey little brother,

It’s 2004. But I didn’t even realize it until today. Almost a day into the new year and I didn’t even realize. I do have a good reason for why I forgot though. Dad stuck around with me after Christmas this year and I thought it was because he wanted us to be a family. I guess, he did. But he was only in Massachusetts with me because he needed to head up north. Someone called Kate phoned him, but I have no idea who she is or what this case is. 

He wanted to head off to Minnesota and the drive takes almost a day. I was ready to pass out by the time I reached, honestly. But well, Dad let me drive the Impala. You know how I cave and forget everything when that car’s on my arm. I didn’t even ask him if he’d need my help because my mind was focused on her. God, Sammy I wish this was my car. I’m at Jim’s now and dad is headed off to Windom. I didn’t bother asking him what was on his mind, you know how he gets… Bullheadedness must be our family’s inheritance, am I right?

Well anyway, it’s the new year, and guess what Jim said? Apparent you wished him via an email. An email? Since when did you stop calling Pastor Jim? I know you’ve always been close. You would literally ring up the man after failing a tiny math quiz. He’s worried about you too, by the way. Y’know he asked me to call you and ask if everything was okay.

Funny thing that no one but Bobby and Dad even knows that you don’t talk to me anymore. What did I do Sam? What did I do that made you hate me?

I hate that I don't know either. Still, happy new year dummy. 

Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on [tumblr](https://bisexualsam.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and scream at me about early season Dean. Thanks for reading and leaving all the lovely comments!


	6. Chapter 6

* * *

1 New Email from swinch...

* * *

__


	7. Chapter 7

From: swinchester@hotmail.com  
To: deanw1967@yahoo.com   
Sent [01/24/2004 12:17 am]

* * *

Hey Dean,

Sam here. Happy birthday! You’re finally a year older and on your way to turning into the old man you have always been. Cassette tape and all. I would call but I’m pretty sure you’re probably either out having a blast of a night or on some work assigned by dad, so either way, I think this would be the best way to contact you.

I know I ignored your calls and never called back all these months, but I do miss you. If I was back home, I’d buy you pie to celebrate but I’m not. And it’s all my fault, but I’m sorry. I know I’m as ungrateful as they come but hell, this is the best place I've ever been. I've been doing so well in my classes, and I might even become a math tutor soon. Turns out all the math you taught me junior year is more advanced than most of the math I'm doing here. Who's the smarty pants now, huh?

Dean, I wish I could take back all I said to you when I left. I didn't mean any of it anyways. But I'm doing alright, and all I want is for you to be okay too. I wanted to tell you that I don’t pick up your calls only because… well, I don’t want you to have to choose between us. Dad needs you.

Never mind. Everything else aside, I hope you have the birthday booze and fun you deserve. Just take care of yourself and know that I miss you. I'm sending Bobby your gift, by the way. I found one of those vintage Star Trek posters you adored on sale last month and I know you can't put it up anywhere but I think you'd like it anyways.

Stay safe,

Sam


	8. Chapter 8

From: deanw1967@yahoo.com   
To: swinchester@hotmail.com  
Sent [01/24/2004 11:43 am]

* * *

Heya Sammy,

 ~~I can barely believe you wrote back. Thank you, little brother. I wasn’t doing much actually, just stuck at a motel watching reruns of that show with aliens. The one you find annoying?~~ Thanks, kid. Yeah, I was out all day. Dad’s not hunting with me anymore, so I can do as I please anyways. ~~I missed you a lot today. I was just thinking about how many stupid birthdays we’ve celebrated with my bad cooking and store-bought muffins. I wish you’d call only because I wanted to know that you’re safe. Sometimes, it all I think about. It's why I call so often.~~ Take care of yourself and don’t forget everything dad taught us. You know it’s not all sunshine in the real world. 

~~I haven't seen Bobby in a while either, so I know this is your way of forcing me to head out to see him. Always taking care of me in creative ways, huh? I'm glad somethings never change. Miss you too, kiddo. More than you'll know.~~ Also, don't worry about calling me back unless you want to. It's been busy these last few months so if you can't reach me then it's probably because I'm onto something. ~~Emails would be good. I know talking to me might be hard for you, because god, if I could hear your voice I'm pretty sure I'd want to screen a little or break something too. You know it isn't fair. You know that right? Dad wanted you out, not me. Never me.~~ Stay safe, Sammy. 

Dean


End file.
